Roger “The Janitor” Chiampa

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I am Roger. I think my job title is the janitor, but these assholes are such slobs around here that I refuse to do any more work. Have you seen Dick’s office? It’s a disaster zone! I do so much more around here too. Because Betty often says out late on the weekends, I have to fill in for her on Saturday and Sunday mornings, so I host Radio Roulette.

I have a thing for Betty, even though I know she doesn’t care for me. I am determined to get her to change her programming so that she will fall deeply in love with me, but I don’t think it’s possible. Her romantic subroutines are hard coded in her BIOS and the only tools I can find in the studio are a roll of duct tape and a rubber chicken.

Everyone gives me a hard time, but it’s really not my fault…I have a malfunctioning transistor that makes things go all haywire sometimes. Nobody wants to fix it because I’m old and the part is hard to get. I guess that will be my fate, to live life with a malfun…..oh, look! Someone brought donuts